Three steps to stay out of trouble

In a story that sounds better suited to a Leon Schuster prank than a CNN report, a local game ranger this week lost his job after he charged an elephant in the wild. Yip, the man charged the elephant. Ever since reading "Kringe in a Bos" during matric, I'm wary of getting to close to those feisty mammals, even when safely behind the bull-bar of our ubiquitous red Condor. I cannot imagine what would prompt an adult (a game ranger at that) to scream and hurtle headlong, hands flailing, directly at a massive bull elephant.

Apparently the answer is a cocktail of beer and, to quote the guy in question, "45 seconds of foolishness". Losing his head for under a minute had him lose a job built on twenty years of passion for wildlife.

Are you laughing yet?

Not so fast.

I mean, what he did was remarkably dumb, but do we never mess-up in a just a few seconds that undomonths or years of value? We might slip an insult at a good friend, embrarrass our spouse or alienate our child with half a minute's lapse of thinking.

How does that happen? How do mature adults- business leaders, professionals, academics- do things that are just plain inane?

We get caught up "in the moment". We forget who we are or where we are or where things could lead or the fact that someone might Facebook the photos of our idiocy. In the company of partying peers, in the heat of the moment, or "under the influence" our awareness levels switch off just long enough for us to behave recklessly.  

We usually can't catch ourselves once the inertia takes us over the edge of sanity, even as our spouse (or a friend) mouths that we're getting out of hand.  But, we can train to stay focused in the first place. This week's chapter of Pirkei Avos opens with a three-point plan to keep yourself out of trouble: "Remember where you come from, where you are going and who you will be answerable to". 

"Where you come from" means remember who you are. A follower of the first Chabad Rebbe would often say that, if he felt tempted to sin, he would remind himself that such behaviour would be beneath the dignity of a student of such an illustrious rabbi. Likewise, Joseph would have sinned with Potiphar's wife had he not seen a vision of his father's face; a clear reminder of his responsibility to his heritage. These people knew where they "came from" and that helped them stay focused.   

A valuable priority is to regularly think about "where you are going?". Having personal objectives is extremely important. We may dream of communal prestige, business recognition or personal growth. An athlete pre-event would never compromise his shot at gold by eating all the wrong stuff on the night before the event. A businessman who had worked for months to close a deal would surely not stop off for a quick fourball when he is due to meet with this prospective partners. If we have a strong sense of personal direction, we surely would not compromise our goals for a few moments of fun. 

And, even when nobody is around to see our nonsense, we should remember that, at some point, we will be answering to someone. Even a "perfect crime", (like the fascinating case of Nathan Leopold and Richard Loeb) comes to light, often quicker than we'd like to believe.

Remember where you come from, where you're headed and who may find out what you've done and you won't find yourself charging elephants in the wild. 

All these different Jews...

Our addictions

A few days ago, I listened to a recording of a talk by Rabbi Dr. Avraham Twersky (the renowned rabbi, speaker and psychiatrist) on addiction. The talk was fascinating, partly because he spent some time linking the principles of the Twelve Step Programme to classical Jewish teachings. One important observation that he shared is that addicts will not move to tackle their addictions until they feel that they have hit "rock-bottom".

Sounds logical, right? A person gets sucked into a spiral of negative behaviours and keeps telling himself/herself "it's not so bad" because they still seem to have their life under control. Then, one day, nothing is under control any longer, they thud into a wall and are shocked into reality.

What startled me was that "rock bottom" isn't always what you'd expect it to be. Rabbi Twersky tells the story of a guy who had sky-rocketed into corporate success at a young age. He was well on his way to hitting the top echelons of a successful multinational, when he started drinking to "deal with the stress of the corporate world". Not acknowledging that his drinking was a problem, the fellow quickly lost his chance for promotion and was later fired from his company. Soon his wife took their young child and walked out. In short order, he lost his home and car. That was when he went to seek help from Rabbi Dr. Twersky. Unfortunately, he wasn't really ready to accept that he was addict, so the meeting went nowhere. 

Two years later, he returned to the doctor's office and finally confronted the mess he had made of his life. Rabbi Twersky asked him what had prompted him that time more than before to take drastic action. He replied, "I found myself panhandling for quarters on the side of the road. I, the guy who had handled multi-billion dollar accounts a decade ago, was begging for loose change". Imagine that? Losing his job, car, house, wife and child had not shaken him into sobriety. Panhandling had.

"Rock bottom" is something different to each person.

We each suffer from the addict's psychology of denial. We all have some deviant secret that we convince ourselves would never really interfere with us living productive- even successful- lives. Our addictions may range from laziness to technology to dishonesty to gossip to anger; we all have some negative habits that we're hooked on. And we console ourselves that everyone has their issues and we're still holding things together despite ours, so things can't be too bad.

Chassidus teaches that we're each a composite of an animal soul that is impulsive and a Divine soul that is clear-thinking and focused on growth and doing what is right. Our two souls battle daily for control of our minds and hearts, our words and actions. Some days the Divine soul takes control and we think clearly and behave as a Jew should. Other days, the animal within prowls our minds and we dump meaning and lasting-value for transient pleasure and imagined self-aggrandizement. Realistically, the animal is in the driver's seat most of the time, yet we remain blissfully unaware of the opportunities lost and the internal damage done.

Fortunately, Judaism believes that we don't have to hit rock bottom to be jolted to change. Torah- particularly the mystical teachings- is designed to help us focus, reorder our priorities and invest in meaningful relationships and areas of real self-growth. The more we learn, the better equipped we are to overcome our addictions and make a success of our lives. A smart person, says the Talmud, is one who sees and avoids negative consequences before they actually hit.

To paraphrase the first of the Twelve Steps:
"We admitted we were powerless over our Animal and came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."